I opt for positivity as much as i could, i thought that would be the best choice to react to in faces of unpleasantness. But now, it doesnt seem to be the best solution for emotional healing. It doesnt solve problems. Have i been in such a critical stage that i doubted and lose faith in everything regarding to this, like practically everything? I cant deny the truth that im running away from problems by remaining positive. Yea, you heard it, running away. People might think that me being bright means im really a positive person, but sometimes it could be the other way round. Where did my faith went? Where is the hope? Why am i put in this situation? For others, this would not be a big deal, they could just put down everything and walk away...but why couldnt i? Did i get myself into the hot soup? Months ago, i would think that this is the right choice to do. But now, i cant be certain of that at all. I still dont think it's anyone's fault. Life just happens. But what do you want me to do now? What proof do you want me to show you? Aint i just doing what i was told to do? Or maybe it doesnt fit you in at all. Maybe i used the wrong way. But God tell me if im wrong, tell me so that i can correct it. Tell me if it's Your will. For in the beginning, im doing this for You. I just dont want to get off track. Help me please....and my friends.
"For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the LORD.
I may not see where the road is heading. This problem that im facing may not be what i have thought it to be. But You know it all...and thus im not getting in control of this anymore. Im putting my trust in You.
Our God never fails.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Saturday, March 26, 2011
Unwelcomed phase
What is it now? Is this a new start? Is this what i have to face again? I dont know. I thought the moment I landed on this ground, the past has gone..i'm living a new life. But that doesn't seemed to be what i thought. Where can i express this time? How long can i endure this? How sure can i not be hurt? God, i have asked you countless times...and you gave me your peace just when i asked for it. But this time can i continue to stay that calm? What's gonna happen next? Is this gonna get far? I only wanted everything to be in it's place..but seems like everything has been expanded. I really dont know how i should handle this, uncertain if i cant stand any longer and I'm really tired. I cannot please everyone, like Jesus didnt get all the delights from the people. But I hope I am doing the right thing...that even if it doesnt pleases everyone, it pleases you. It's aching inside my heart but if this is your will, may it be done. I trust in you that you will never let your children carry the burdens that is over their limit. So is this that i place my hope in you.
You Lord, who has started the good plan in me will put an end when you are finished with me. Now that it's not done yet, help me to turn to you every time this pain stirred in me. Help me to believe you have allowed this for your purpose, that i will get the most out of every experience and at the end i will become a joyful person and be able to help other people out. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4" And it is declared by the Lord, "For i know the plans i have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future". So trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Also we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called to his purpose.
You Lord, who has started the good plan in me will put an end when you are finished with me. Now that it's not done yet, help me to turn to you every time this pain stirred in me. Help me to believe you have allowed this for your purpose, that i will get the most out of every experience and at the end i will become a joyful person and be able to help other people out. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverence. Perseverence must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4" And it is declared by the Lord, "For i know the plans i have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future". So trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Also we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called to his purpose.
Take heart, God is not finished with me yet!
Everything will be alright, just hold on!
Breathe in...breathe out~
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
He is REAL
Thinking back the days when i was stressful vying for my SPM...and now sensing my parents' satisfaction, all the hard work was worth it. There was 3 reasons for the change of this result.
1. For the Glory of God
2. For making my parents proud
3. And a chance for me to believe nothing is impossible
God was gracious, He granted my wish which i doubted i could achieve. He proved He is real and reliable. He never fails. I take no credits for this other than giving Him all the glory..thank You Lord, thank You! Now i am really convinced that nothing is impossible with God.
Even before this, God has already proven to me that His promises are true and that placing my hope and trust in Him whenever i felt lost is never a wrong thing to do! I had never felt so alive when His presence and peace overwhelmed me...that made me joyful and praised Him during my most painful night. How amazing is He?
For blessed be name of the Lord, even though i walk through the wilderness blessed be Your name. Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in Lord still i will say, blessed be Your glorious name, on the road marked with suffering. Though there's pain in the offering...blessed be Your name!
1. For the Glory of God
2. For making my parents proud
3. And a chance for me to believe nothing is impossible
God was gracious, He granted my wish which i doubted i could achieve. He proved He is real and reliable. He never fails. I take no credits for this other than giving Him all the glory..thank You Lord, thank You! Now i am really convinced that nothing is impossible with God.
Even before this, God has already proven to me that His promises are true and that placing my hope and trust in Him whenever i felt lost is never a wrong thing to do! I had never felt so alive when His presence and peace overwhelmed me...that made me joyful and praised Him during my most painful night. How amazing is He?
For blessed be name of the Lord, even though i walk through the wilderness blessed be Your name. Every blessing You pour out I'll turn back to praise, when the darkness closes in Lord still i will say, blessed be Your glorious name, on the road marked with suffering. Though there's pain in the offering...blessed be Your name!
GOD.IS.REAL. =)
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
New Beginning
In just a split second..i'm here already. i'm where i have to be, not knowing that time passed by too quickly before i can even realise it. I still feel like it's so surreal, like i can wake up from my dream anytime and be back to my normal life like before, but no. People say i am a confident person, i can do well, i'm strong, i will do fine and be okay. but i doubt all the words thay have spoken. i know myself better, i'm weak in certain aspects and i am not anything they have said. weird enough, i dont find college that fun, maybe not at the moment -- probably not everything flowed as i wished it to be. it's really time to learn how to be self-reliant, independent, adaptive, confident.... Oh and I lost appetite (used around one and a half hour to finish a meal), had (still having actually) sore throat..you can imagine how much i miss home right now.
Even at times i'm shakable due to some circumstances, but God i believe You have placed me here for a reason, a reason i have yet to discover. I clearly know that hardships are meant to mould me to become a better person and it's Your intention to let them happen. So God, help me to trust You and lean on You in times of difficulties. Strengthen my faith in You, so that i will not stray apart from Your laws. There's no other way except You, i know. Your promises are ever true and that gives me strength to carry on. Help me grow now..in this place i am and help me trust that at the end of all these, i am a better person. Amen.
I really miss EVERYTHING back home. But I NEED Your presence more.
Even at times i'm shakable due to some circumstances, but God i believe You have placed me here for a reason, a reason i have yet to discover. I clearly know that hardships are meant to mould me to become a better person and it's Your intention to let them happen. So God, help me to trust You and lean on You in times of difficulties. Strengthen my faith in You, so that i will not stray apart from Your laws. There's no other way except You, i know. Your promises are ever true and that gives me strength to carry on. Help me grow now..in this place i am and help me trust that at the end of all these, i am a better person. Amen.
I really miss EVERYTHING back home. But I NEED Your presence more.
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