Thinking back now, my heart would still ache..tears would still flow...i know i have not been completely freed from the past. Well, no matter how hard i tried to let go, how hard i tried to forget; deep inside the pain still exists. But why? Masking myself from this is not the solution, telling it out could be worst? Because i dont like to tell, i can't tell, and i have no one to tell. But i know my Father understands, He knows how i feel. That is enough.
Well, i have been using my own strength too much. I have tried to settle things my own way. But it never works. Now is the time i turn back to You and simply listen to what You want to tell me. Since the day things started till now, i havent found the clue why things are the way they are.
I'm confused. Really confused. But for one thing i'm sure of is, i have to rely on You. Teach me to be still and listen to the voice of Truth. For only this truth can set me free, free from confusion, free from hurt.
What is it that You want me to learn out of this experience? What is the purpose? I need to know. Then teach me how to do things Your way. Because You're the chief, You know best!
I surrender my thoughts and everything to You. I wait on You to reveal Your ways to me. And i know, everything happens for a reason, a reason with divine purpose. In You i will trust! =)
Be still. Be still, and know that I am God. (Psalm 46:10)
Yeah, my God. My God that knows everything!
You make all things work together for my good. Amen.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
Refreshed in the presence of God =)
Hadn't have enough sleep the last two days. And this morning was the morning watch at 7am, which i had to wake up at around 6am, however i struggled with God the previous night whether i should go as i was really tired and needed more rest and more time to complete my assignment. My heart is wanting to join, but my flesh is struggling over this. So i prayed asking God to provide me the strength that i need and i believe He will provide, and i insisted that He speak to me today, that i MUST get/experience something from Him this day regardless anything. So i made up my mind, i'll go with the heart of wanting to experience Him (despite the tiredness)!
I woke up quite reluctantly, my body was attached to the bed, then i asked God to fight over my unwillingness to get out of bed. That wasn't easy, to be honest.
Bathed. Had myself dressed and ready to go.
Reached church and got myself prepared to enter into His presence. The "theme" of the morning watch this morning was mainly on love. Love for God, which i needed as well. In order that we can do anything for Him, we first need to experience His love and reflect that love back for Him. Being passionate and keep that love on fire for God is what i should carry on in my walk with the Lord, and that flame should grow more and more wildly as we are called to love the Lord with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our mind and with all our strength. And through the agape love from our Father, we are able to overcome any weakness that is in us, any fear that is hindering His love to reach our hearts. For nothing can seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-39).
After the morning watch i was totally refreshed, i felt His presence strengthening me. Then off we went for breakfast then to Salvation bookstore after that. I was happy to see books, and i wanted to buy. Not one, not two but quite a few. Hehe. One of the books that caught my eyes was "Say Yes to God: A call to courageous surrender" by Kay Warren. However i didn't manage to buy cause' i didn't have enough money =(, but i'll return one day for it. =)
Headed back to church and had intercession with other brothers and sisters in the afternoon. God again spoke to me, and i was really impressed. God gave me the verse from Jeremiah 33:3, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unseacrhable things you do not know". While praying God gave me a picture of a man surfing, but with something like a "headsail" thing attached to it. However the wave that the person was surfing on was small and unenthusiastic. Then He said to me, "Go higher". (When the wind blows, the headsail is responsible to capture the wind and make the yatch sail. Likewise, the headsail represents God's help to move our "yatch". People surf on huge waves, not small ones because bigger waves will bring us to greater heights. In the same way, God is saying that we shouldn't stop at where we are right now, we shouldn't be satisfied with what we are doing now, we shouldn't be contented with the small waves we are surfing on. It isn't enough, He wants us to go higher, to love Him more, to seek Him more and to move on to a greater extend where He will show us greater things. He wants us to rise to greater heights, to have a breakthrough in what we do for Him, yet not with our own strength, but with His help. And when the wave of God's grace comes, we shall soar up high together with Him. We need to grow. We need to pray for breakthrough in areas of our lives that are not growing for Him). After that a brother shared the same verse God has put in my heart, everything was in line. Amen! Amen!
God is good! I asked that He speaks to me and He did, but that wasn't all. He continued to stir my heart during the sermon. Brother Kian Wee shared on the title "Say YES to MISSION" (sounds familiar with the book i wanted to buy? =)) together with the verse from John 12:24-25 that says, "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life". All of us are a seed, and a seed is powerful to touch and move lives. Seed itself, represents a life, our life. It depends how we are gonna plant the seed. But it is said, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow". 1 Corinthians 3:6-7
Saying "yes" to God and mission will make a difference in a place where we are willing to go out of our comfort zones to plant the seed. We will see how God makes it grow just by saying "yes". It is not about us, what we can do, what we can't do, but it's all about God and what God can do through us. He works when we respond to His calling. Just a simple obedient act of faith is all we need to do, others should not be our worries and concerns, for it is the Lord that works and makes a change. So are you willing to say "yes"?
During sermon, i pictured myself and a few friends going out for mission (sort of a preparation for mission and evangelism), seeking God and together praying to see revival. I believe this is what God wants us to do. To go out and fulfill the great commission, to take the initiative and the step of faith to move forward, to do outreach for the expansion of His kingdom. Yes Lord, send me and i will go for You. Help me understand Your love and open my heart to receive Your mission for me with a willing heart. Grant me with the urgency and knowledge of the importance of this mission. Give me the faith and help me capture Your heartbeat to beat for Your people. Help me to dwell in Your words and promises as i long for more of You each day in my life. Teach me to love You like how You've loved me. Thank You, Father.
Amen! God is good. Throughout the whole day, God sustained me through the strength that He has given me, for His grace is enough, and His power is made perfect in weaknesses (i really felt energised the whole day). Other than that, God has also spoken to me a lot. Thank You Lord! Yes, ask and it will be given to You for our Lord is gracious! =D What a refreshing and fruitful day today!
I'm blessed, blessed to know You Lord, my Saviour and my God. =)
I woke up quite reluctantly, my body was attached to the bed, then i asked God to fight over my unwillingness to get out of bed. That wasn't easy, to be honest.
Bathed. Had myself dressed and ready to go.
Reached church and got myself prepared to enter into His presence. The "theme" of the morning watch this morning was mainly on love. Love for God, which i needed as well. In order that we can do anything for Him, we first need to experience His love and reflect that love back for Him. Being passionate and keep that love on fire for God is what i should carry on in my walk with the Lord, and that flame should grow more and more wildly as we are called to love the Lord with all our heart and with all our soul and with all our mind and with all our strength. And through the agape love from our Father, we are able to overcome any weakness that is in us, any fear that is hindering His love to reach our hearts. For nothing can seperate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord (Romans 8:37-39).
After the morning watch i was totally refreshed, i felt His presence strengthening me. Then off we went for breakfast then to Salvation bookstore after that. I was happy to see books, and i wanted to buy. Not one, not two but quite a few. Hehe. One of the books that caught my eyes was "Say Yes to God: A call to courageous surrender" by Kay Warren. However i didn't manage to buy cause' i didn't have enough money =(, but i'll return one day for it. =)
Headed back to church and had intercession with other brothers and sisters in the afternoon. God again spoke to me, and i was really impressed. God gave me the verse from Jeremiah 33:3, "Call to me and I will answer you and tell you great and unseacrhable things you do not know". While praying God gave me a picture of a man surfing, but with something like a "headsail" thing attached to it. However the wave that the person was surfing on was small and unenthusiastic. Then He said to me, "Go higher". (When the wind blows, the headsail is responsible to capture the wind and make the yatch sail. Likewise, the headsail represents God's help to move our "yatch". People surf on huge waves, not small ones because bigger waves will bring us to greater heights. In the same way, God is saying that we shouldn't stop at where we are right now, we shouldn't be satisfied with what we are doing now, we shouldn't be contented with the small waves we are surfing on. It isn't enough, He wants us to go higher, to love Him more, to seek Him more and to move on to a greater extend where He will show us greater things. He wants us to rise to greater heights, to have a breakthrough in what we do for Him, yet not with our own strength, but with His help. And when the wave of God's grace comes, we shall soar up high together with Him. We need to grow. We need to pray for breakthrough in areas of our lives that are not growing for Him). After that a brother shared the same verse God has put in my heart, everything was in line. Amen! Amen!
God is good! I asked that He speaks to me and He did, but that wasn't all. He continued to stir my heart during the sermon. Brother Kian Wee shared on the title "Say YES to MISSION" (sounds familiar with the book i wanted to buy? =)) together with the verse from John 12:24-25 that says, "I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, it produces many seeds. The man who loves his life will lose it, while the man who hates his life in this world will keep it for eternal life". All of us are a seed, and a seed is powerful to touch and move lives. Seed itself, represents a life, our life. It depends how we are gonna plant the seed. But it is said, "I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God made it grow. So neither he who plants nor he who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow". 1 Corinthians 3:6-7
Saying "yes" to God and mission will make a difference in a place where we are willing to go out of our comfort zones to plant the seed. We will see how God makes it grow just by saying "yes". It is not about us, what we can do, what we can't do, but it's all about God and what God can do through us. He works when we respond to His calling. Just a simple obedient act of faith is all we need to do, others should not be our worries and concerns, for it is the Lord that works and makes a change. So are you willing to say "yes"?
During sermon, i pictured myself and a few friends going out for mission (sort of a preparation for mission and evangelism), seeking God and together praying to see revival. I believe this is what God wants us to do. To go out and fulfill the great commission, to take the initiative and the step of faith to move forward, to do outreach for the expansion of His kingdom. Yes Lord, send me and i will go for You. Help me understand Your love and open my heart to receive Your mission for me with a willing heart. Grant me with the urgency and knowledge of the importance of this mission. Give me the faith and help me capture Your heartbeat to beat for Your people. Help me to dwell in Your words and promises as i long for more of You each day in my life. Teach me to love You like how You've loved me. Thank You, Father.
Amen! God is good. Throughout the whole day, God sustained me through the strength that He has given me, for His grace is enough, and His power is made perfect in weaknesses (i really felt energised the whole day). Other than that, God has also spoken to me a lot. Thank You Lord! Yes, ask and it will be given to You for our Lord is gracious! =D What a refreshing and fruitful day today!
I'm blessed, blessed to know You Lord, my Saviour and my God. =)
Monday, June 13, 2011
Stepping Up Together
Had church camp to Bukit Gambang, Kuantan during 10th to 12th June and water baptism on the 11th. The theme was "Stepping Up Together". Just one week before i agreed to go for water baptism, i fell sick. God somehow told me i will be sick, through a dream. The next day, i had fever and it continued for several days. My condition worsen a few days later, i had high fever with red spots and rashes on my skin. Then sisters from chruch brought me to the doctor to check if it was dengue. So i had my blood test done the next day and it wasnt dengue. Praise God! However, the rashes remained so the doctor suspected it could be some virus infection. But the sickness was left unknown. All i did was simply trusted God.
So on Friday, we headed to Kuantan. I was very excited because i was going for water baptism the next morning. The pastor briefed us about baptism and asked 3 questions before baptising us.
1. Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?
2. Are you willing to follow Jesus for the rest of your life? (couldnt really remember, but i think it's something like that ><)
3. If it is needful, would you die for the sack of Jesus?
Then we had praise & worship and teaching. God's presence was strong! Later in the afternoon, we went splash splash splash! Had a great time at the water park =D. But my limbs were still dotted with red spots and rashes. But that didnt bother me much because i know Jesus is my ultimate Healer!
Night time we had praise & worship and teaching again. God really moved me, i could sense His presence so close to us. After that was photo taking session. Hehe..SSC wore rainbow colours. Rainbow, representing God's promise. =)
The next day we had the last session of praise & worship and teaching. During breakfast, a sister came to me and checked if i was alright. Then to most of our surprise, my rashes were gone, completely! Praise the Lord! He is just so great!
Throughout this camp, i encountered God and got to know more brothers and sisters. I believe, stepping up together as one in Christ is just what we need to do.
Lord, i thank You for those that You have sent to care for me while i was sick. Thank You for this camp that we can gather and step up together to praise Your name. Help us to continue to have this kind of spirit to unite for Your glory. Be with us and anoint us to move for You. Thank You.
God is good, all the time! Spiritual warfare should not stop us to war for God. =)
So on Friday, we headed to Kuantan. I was very excited because i was going for water baptism the next morning. The pastor briefed us about baptism and asked 3 questions before baptising us.
1. Do you believe that Jesus is the Son of God?
2. Are you willing to follow Jesus for the rest of your life? (couldnt really remember, but i think it's something like that ><)
3. If it is needful, would you die for the sack of Jesus?
Then we had praise & worship and teaching. God's presence was strong! Later in the afternoon, we went splash splash splash! Had a great time at the water park =D. But my limbs were still dotted with red spots and rashes. But that didnt bother me much because i know Jesus is my ultimate Healer!
Night time we had praise & worship and teaching again. God really moved me, i could sense His presence so close to us. After that was photo taking session. Hehe..SSC wore rainbow colours. Rainbow, representing God's promise. =)
The next day we had the last session of praise & worship and teaching. During breakfast, a sister came to me and checked if i was alright. Then to most of our surprise, my rashes were gone, completely! Praise the Lord! He is just so great!
Throughout this camp, i encountered God and got to know more brothers and sisters. I believe, stepping up together as one in Christ is just what we need to do.
Lord, i thank You for those that You have sent to care for me while i was sick. Thank You for this camp that we can gather and step up together to praise Your name. Help us to continue to have this kind of spirit to unite for Your glory. Be with us and anoint us to move for You. Thank You.
God is good, all the time! Spiritual warfare should not stop us to war for God. =)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
"Fear no more"
So the church leaders asked, "What is hindering you to serve Him?"
Paused. I thought for a while. Because of fear, i told myself silently.
Then God spoke to me, "Why are you afraid?"
I kept silent and went into my thoughts again. But this time i couldn't gave an answer, beacuse i cannot find any reason why i should fear, I gave my "reasons", but He ANSWERED ALL.
Then again I heard Him say, "Fear no more."
I know God was reassuring me that in Him there is no fear. Because He has overcome all fears. 1 John 4:4 says, "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who lives in you is greater than the one who is in the world." Followed by Paul in Romans 8:37, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."
So no more excuses, no more reasons whatsoever. He has it all under control.
Afraid to speak?
- "Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say" Exodus 4:12
Afraid or not knowing how to pray?
- "for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say." Luke 12:12
-"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26
Afraid how people may think of you? Fear of being alienated, persecuted?
- "Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later" Romans 8:18
Afraid that you are unable to do what God wants you to do?
-"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13
There is really no reason to fear. Fearing however, because the lack of faith and love. But God is gracious, He gave us faith through His words. "Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17
And in love, there is no fear. For perfect love drives out fear. Therefore, love the Lord Your God with all your heart and with all Your soul and with all Your mind and with all Your strength. Mark 12:30
Hallelujah, glory to Him!
Paused. I thought for a while. Because of fear, i told myself silently.
Then God spoke to me, "Why are you afraid?"
I kept silent and went into my thoughts again. But this time i couldn't gave an answer, beacuse i cannot find any reason why i should fear, I gave my "reasons", but He ANSWERED ALL.
Then again I heard Him say, "Fear no more."
I know God was reassuring me that in Him there is no fear. Because He has overcome all fears. 1 John 4:4 says, "You, dear children, are from God and have overcome them, because the one who lives in you is greater than the one who is in the world." Followed by Paul in Romans 8:37, "No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us."
So no more excuses, no more reasons whatsoever. He has it all under control.
Afraid to speak?
- "Now go; I will help you speak and will teach you what to say" Exodus 4:12
Afraid or not knowing how to pray?
- "for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say." Luke 12:12
-"In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express." Romans 8:26
Afraid how people may think of you? Fear of being alienated, persecuted?
- "Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later" Romans 8:18
Afraid that you are unable to do what God wants you to do?
-"I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength" Philippians 4:13
There is really no reason to fear. Fearing however, because the lack of faith and love. But God is gracious, He gave us faith through His words. "Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word of Christ." Romans 10:17
And in love, there is no fear. For perfect love drives out fear. Therefore, love the Lord Your God with all your heart and with all Your soul and with all Your mind and with all Your strength. Mark 12:30
Hallelujah, glory to Him!
The Lord is my light and my salvation -
whom shall i fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life -
of whom shall i be afraid?
Psalm 27:1
Wednesday, June 1, 2011
For Your Glory
Running. I've always been running. Not running towards the goal, but away. But this time, i dont wanna run anymore. Lord, i dont wanna be like Jonah. It's tiring. No matter how far i've run, I cannot excape You and You'll eventually pull me back. God i'm certain that You have called me, i know it's time i should respond. I feel like i'm living a hypocritical life all these while, it's so easy to say, but so hard to put those words into action. God, i'm sorry for the constant escape when You call, i'm sorry for being such a timid person. I dont know what i have that i can do for You, but You never call on our ability but our availability and You are able to use our weaknesses for the great things just as long as we are willing.
I'm not good in speaking, not good in leading. But like Moses, You put words in His mouth and gave him the courage to speak Your words. In the same way O Lord, use me. I may not know how, but all that You ask is to put my trust in You and You'll guide me. I do not need to know how, I just need to be obedient to follow You. Lord, i dont want to escape anymore so send me, and i'll go for You though i may not know how, i know You wont leave me alone. Help me to rise up for Your glory, put dreams in me to live for You. Help me to have the step of faith to do Your will and no matter what happens i know You'll have my back. This life is short, i dont want to live a fruitless life. I know im here for a purpose, so use me for Your purpose. Just help me NOT to run away anymore Lord.
Change me to become the person You want me to be, give me a new life to live for You. I surrender all that i am to You for i am nothing without You as You said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
Lord i trust in You to see the change and transformation in this place, and in the lives of Your people. Continue to inpsire me and move me for Your works and help me to serve You faithfully and joyfully. May Your Holy Spirit continue to anoint me and guide me in my walk with You Father. Thank You Jesus. Amen.
I'm not good in speaking, not good in leading. But like Moses, You put words in His mouth and gave him the courage to speak Your words. In the same way O Lord, use me. I may not know how, but all that You ask is to put my trust in You and You'll guide me. I do not need to know how, I just need to be obedient to follow You. Lord, i dont want to escape anymore so send me, and i'll go for You though i may not know how, i know You wont leave me alone. Help me to rise up for Your glory, put dreams in me to live for You. Help me to have the step of faith to do Your will and no matter what happens i know You'll have my back. This life is short, i dont want to live a fruitless life. I know im here for a purpose, so use me for Your purpose. Just help me NOT to run away anymore Lord.
Change me to become the person You want me to be, give me a new life to live for You. I surrender all that i am to You for i am nothing without You as You said, "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5
Lord i trust in You to see the change and transformation in this place, and in the lives of Your people. Continue to inpsire me and move me for Your works and help me to serve You faithfully and joyfully. May Your Holy Spirit continue to anoint me and guide me in my walk with You Father. Thank You Jesus. Amen.
Use me, for Your glory
"With God all things are possible"
Matthew 19:26
"With God all things are possible"
Matthew 19:26
There's TOO MUCH to say!
Haven't been updating firstly because there's too much to say, so much that i dont know where to start. Secondly because my schedule was too tight to spare some time for this (Hehe I'm not sure if it's an excuse though xP).
I've been here for about two and a half months and during this brief period, i have seen how God has worked through in my life. From the want of changing the rooms, the smooth arrangement to go to church, the surprising result of my SPM, the not-very-big-amount of scholarship for AusMat, the unpredicted interview from JPA, the amazing flight back to Kuching for the interview, the Holy Spirit baptism at Cameron Highland, the goodnews from my mum that her sickness was minor, the desire to become His disciple, the urge to make a change for His glory, the courage to reframe a friendship, the faith I need to grow in Him, the breakthrough to speak out His words and so on, so on... I see His goodness in everything He has planned, i know His will and purpose are always good. He changes the bad to good according to His will. Thank You Lord for all these blessings...thank You.
I see a lot more challenges God has put in front of my path, and i know i'm not going through them all alone. I have the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit with me, so i shall not fear. It may not be easy, i may fail several times in this journey, but i know my God never fails. And in Him will i find my strength to carry on.
All glory and honour to Him, our one and only God!
I've been here for about two and a half months and during this brief period, i have seen how God has worked through in my life. From the want of changing the rooms, the smooth arrangement to go to church, the surprising result of my SPM, the not-very-big-amount of scholarship for AusMat, the unpredicted interview from JPA, the amazing flight back to Kuching for the interview, the Holy Spirit baptism at Cameron Highland, the goodnews from my mum that her sickness was minor, the desire to become His disciple, the urge to make a change for His glory, the courage to reframe a friendship, the faith I need to grow in Him, the breakthrough to speak out His words and so on, so on... I see His goodness in everything He has planned, i know His will and purpose are always good. He changes the bad to good according to His will. Thank You Lord for all these blessings...thank You.
I see a lot more challenges God has put in front of my path, and i know i'm not going through them all alone. I have the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit with me, so i shall not fear. It may not be easy, i may fail several times in this journey, but i know my God never fails. And in Him will i find my strength to carry on.
All glory and honour to Him, our one and only God!
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