Into the Realm of...

It has been a few days now and things didn't get any better. Every time i lied on the bed or the sofa trying to get some sleep I just couldn't. No matter how drowsy my eyes were or how tired my body was, my mind was just that reluctant to shut down and I even saw flashes flying by. The cause for this in one word should be - future. Have you ever got haunted by the unknown future you are going to venture into? That was very much how i felt.


This is how my new year started, somehow in fear and insecurity of the unknown. Although how much I convinced myself that God will make a way but still, maybe you call it human nature or whatever, i still freak a little at the thought of it - alright maybe quite a lot. This is one big step to take. What if I took the wrong path? What if I later found out that this is not what I intended? I was being reminded that these aren't the right thoughts to have, these shouldn't be my focus. It's not about what I want to do. It's not about where I should go. IT'S WHAT GOD WANTS ME TO DO, WHERE HE WANTS ME TO GO. Yea..true enough and of how little faith I am.

Now, about leaving, I never had a clear idea of that and how it'd be. To me, it's probably just a verb. But when I'm near to that, I could actually hear my consciousness speaking, "I don't wanna leave." However, leaving, in my dictionary equates to that of independence. This I must admit and it's what i really want to grab hold of. So conclusion is that I still have to leave, whether I like it or not. To where? That's the question.

I guess this is one of my very desperate moments. I'm quite an indecisive person so having to make choices? It'd take me longer than long to actually make up my mind or I'd just point to someone else for the answer. But this time is different, my turn to face up and do what I should do. No more escaping.

So hello world, I hope to see you soon but I wish I don't see you that soon.
Huh?
Ahh...forget it.

    You have brought me through many ups and downs and I trust that You'll lead and guide me through this as well. Reveal Your ways and plans for me Lord, for it's not my will but Yours be done.

Before you do ANYTHING, you need permission from GOD. That way, you'll be sure you're on the right track and much likely not to go wrong.