Alright I’ll admit but that doesn’t mean I’ll surrender
Every time I try to act as if things are okay, they’re not
Every time I try to steady my emotions, I fail
You may not realize, cause’ I never show
I’m not trying to bring out my anger or frustration
But for once I’m trying to be honest to myself
That I cannot handle everything
That I’m living with this frustration inside of me
That I feel helpless when there are things that I can't seem to solve
I have my own problems to deal and I wish to calm the fuss that's strangling me
I have my own pressures to cope and I wish to escape the fret that's suffocating me
By this, I am not as good as you think I am
And I am not always the kind of me that you see
Maybe it’s the mask that I put on, but no I wore it not because I want to deceive
But because I’m unwilling to unfold the other side of me
You can say that I’m trying to disguise my weaknesses
Or maybe the fear of exposing the truth that I’m imperfect, whatever
Still I never express myself because I never knew how
Taking it all in is wearing me off day by day
I know this is unlikely what I would say
But please allow me to vent it out once in a while
Though I might regret writing this
But I guess I have to accept the fact that I’m clayed with brokenness
As no one is ever perfect, so am I
* * * * * *
And despite all those; I want to --
# Thank You for bearing all my sin and shame
# Thank You for lifting up the burdens I carry on my shoulder
# Thank You for listening to my complaints yet still loving me the way I am
# Thank You!
People, life is difficult if you try to handle everything by your own strength. Learn to give it all to Him and He will graciously grant you peace and all that you need. Other than that, learn to give thanks in your imperfection!
I can bear nothing if it weren’t You who bore my everything.
Dear Abigail,
ReplyDeleteI guess when I read this post of you, I was really glad that you're FINALLY coming out from your lil' shell. I've known you for so long and part of me was always worried bout you just because you never really show your frustration or anger. All you show us was your happy side. It is time for you to step out of the closet my dear. No one is perfect and no one has to hide all those emotions inside of them, as ugly as they can be. No on would point fingers at you just because you're not the perfect person. In fact, you are only perfect when you realise your imperfection. =)
Do know that as far as I can be, I am never too far away. A text message or facebook message would suffice.
Love you loads. And miss you heaps! Hoping to see you soon... =)
yours*
ReplyDeletehaha.. i duno what to say besides a big thank you from the bottom of my heart. yea, this is me. someone who doesnt know how to show her emotions. but im learning not to keep all inside so dont worry, im fine and always will be. =)
ReplyDeletei miss u too!! come back quickly and we go hang out like crazy again! hahaa..
you always say ur fine even when you're not cause you dont want ppl to worry bout u. but at times, ppl would want to know because we all care about you. being the youngest among us, many times, you might feel you are not in "connection" with the "older" generation but know that god has put u in that situation so that you will grow and become a leader eventually.
ReplyDeleteive said this before and i'll say it again, i really feel that god wants to use you far greater than what you're doing now, its just that you are not prepared. you a anointed abby. the more i read your writings, the more i can tell you that you are destined to be a leader. your thirst and hunger for god has grown so much in a short span of time (since i left). and your thirst and hunger is the 2 elements that will make u a great leader.
its time to step up abby. time to leave negative thoughts behind, time to rise up to the occasion and take the position god wants you to be in. time to tell the devil to shut up and deny his access to ur life. you are a precious child of god. and i KNOW that one day, you will be a leader that will do great things.
continue to press in my dear, you are on the right track. =) no matter what happens, remember that it happens so that you will grow in wisdom and maturity. continue to seek god and you will god will show you far greater things. i know that god has downloaded alot of dreams and visions in you. am i right??
i would like to encourage you to do what god has placed in your heart to do. no more fear, abby. no more shyness. no more excuses. the time for u to do what he wants u to do is HERE.
=)
wow, very deep oh. lol..
ReplyDeletea leader. a leader? A LEADER? uhmm...i cant be that sure and certain as u are. the road ahead of me is still quite blur. and im trying to sort things back into place now as i do run off tracks sometimes. and wow, i never thought of being a very great leader. i jz want to uhm well do my part the best that i can. others i'll leave it to God. and still not that certain of wad God would want me to be. yea..
but it indeed is a very encouraging msg from you. thank youu lots =)
you know, i miss you two a lot now! my eyes are watery from reading what you both wrote.
ReplyDeletewe all have changed a lot, grew spiritually and honestly, with all these things i had to face previously, i have to admit i kinda lost my faith, despite being that youth leader, being that church worker.
but i felt grateful because despite losing my faith bit by bit, i see how you girls have grown in God and it pulls me back. it reminds me time and time that God is doing something. I don't know what, yet, but i know, something.
we shall grow together, spiritually :) i need you girls along the way too. this journey, i ain't walking alone :)
lol, jo. u were never alone and not going to be either. we all have times when we feel our faith is fading. and yes, God is working, always listening and always holding ur hand. He's with you, so are we =)
ReplyDeleteas u walk along this journey, not only focusing wad's infront of you. but also look beside you, and u'll find us always by ur side. let's walk together even if it's the valley of darkness, and as we do, we would be able to witness the sunshine together. =)
abby totally said what i wanted to say. =)
ReplyDelete*hugs abby & happy*
ReplyDelete